Monday, March 17, 2008

A Public Service Announcement

Going on a cruise can be a lot of fun. Sun, sand, tropical breezes, frothy fruity rum drinks and food buffets that stretch for miles are just a few of the pleasures of life on the high seas. But Mother Nature is blessed with a wicked sense of humor, and sometimes those high seas are very high indeed -- say, 15 - 20 feet with winds of up to 50 mph. So, as a service to others who have not yet gotten their sea legs (or tummies), here are a few tips gleaned from our recent trip.
  1. If seas are rough and you feel a bit "delicate", perhaps the dining room -- with its panoramic views of those aforementioned waves and its sometimes exotic food aromas -- is not quite the place to be.
  2. Ah, I see you've ventured out regardless, and now that "delicate" feeling is full blown (pun intended) nausea and you are disgorging your previous meal into several cloth napkins. (Let us pause here and pray that the ship's laundry has strong detergent and plenty of hot water. Amen.) Of course, anyone could be caught unaware -- well, perhaps not completely unaware, as you spent 15 minutes or so telling your companions that you felt ill...but I digress. Perhaps now is a good time to return to your cabin and apply a cold compress to your forehead?
  3. No, apparently you wish to remain in the dining room. Yes, it was a very unpleasant experience (for all of us, in fact). May I suggest that we don't need a moment-by-moment recap of the event though? We were, after all, sitting right there as it happened.
  4. Oh, what supportive friends you have -- now they're sharing just how "delicate" they feel too! Someone mentions they have heard that bananas will settle an upset tummy. They're not quite sure where they heard that, but hey, it might work. Let's go get bananas! Wait, wait, maybe it was apples? So, a helpful friend brings back a large bowl filled with bananas, apples and oranges (oranges?????) Oh, and let's throw in a few rolls of bread for luck. All this for a lady who has just been ill into multiple napkins.
  5. I fear my advice has been too subtle: STOP EATING AND LEAVE THE DINING ROOM!

There, I feel so much better, and I think (just perhaps) soon you will too.

This has been a public service announcement from everyone sitting within ten feet of you, dear lady.

Some of you might assume that I have exaggerated for comic effect -- alas, it is all too true.

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